Being Dead Is No Excuse

Author: Gayden Metcalfe
Publisher: Hachette Books
ISBN: 9781401305741
Release Date: 2013-05-07
Genre: Cooking

Folks in the Delta have a strong sense of community, and being dead is no impediment to belonging to it. Down South, they don't forget you when you've up and died--in fact, they visit you more often. But there are quintessential rules and rituals for kicking the bucket tastefully. Having a flawless funeral is one of them. In this deliciously entertaining slice of Southern life (and death), inveterate hostess Gayden Metcalfe explains everything you need to know to host an authentic Southern funeral. Can you be properly buried without tomato aspic? Who prepares tastier funeral fare, the Episcopal ladies or the Methodist ladies? And what does one do when a family gets three sheets to the wind and eats the entire feast the night before a funeral? Each chapter includes a delicious, tried-and-true Southern recipe, critical if you plan to die tastefully any time soon. Pickled Shrimp, Aunt Hebe's Coconut Cake, and the ubiquitous Bing Cherry Salad with Coca-Cola are among the many dishes guaranteed to make the next funeral the most satisfying one yet. Even if you've never been south of Rochester, this book will charm, it will entertain, and it will give you all the ingredients required for the perfect Southern send-off.

Being Dead Is No Excuse

Author: Gayden Metcalfe
Publisher: Hachette UK
ISBN: 9781401305741
Release Date: 2013-05-07
Genre: Cooking

Folks in the Delta have a strong sense of community, and being dead is no impediment to belonging to it. Down South, they don't forget you when you've up and died--in fact, they visit you more often. But there are quintessential rules and rituals for kicking the bucket tastefully. Having a flawless funeral is one of them. In this deliciously entertaining slice of Southern life (and death), inveterate hostess Gayden Metcalfe explains everything you need to know to host an authentic Southern funeral. Can you be properly buried without tomato aspic? Who prepares tastier funeral fare, the Episcopal ladies or the Methodist ladies? And what does one do when a family gets three sheets to the wind and eats the entire feast the night before a funeral? Each chapter includes a delicious, tried-and-true Southern recipe, critical if you plan to die tastefully any time soon. Pickled Shrimp, Aunt Hebe's Coconut Cake, and the ubiquitous Bing Cherry Salad with Coca-Cola are among the many dishes guaranteed to make the next funeral the most satisfying one yet. Even if you've never been south of Rochester, this book will charm, it will entertain, and it will give you all the ingredients required for the perfect Southern send-off.

Being Dead Is No Excuse

Author: Gayden Metcalfe
Publisher: Hyperion
ISBN: 1401305741
Release Date: 2013-05-07
Genre: Cooking

"Being Dead Is No Excuse is sure to have Southern hostesses nodding their perfectly coiffed heads in unison." --USA TODAY Folks in the Delta have a strong sense of community, and being dead is no impediment to belonging to it. Down South, they don't forget you when you've up and died--in fact, they visit you more often. But there are quintessential rules and rituals for kicking the bucket tastefully. Having a flawless funeral is one of them. In this deliciously entertaining slice of Southern life (and death), inveterate hostess Gayden Metcalfe explains everything you need to know to host an authentic Southern funeral. Can you be properly buried without tomato aspic? Who prepares tastier funeral fare, the Episcopal ladies or the Methodist ladies? And what does one do when a family gets three sheets to the wind and eats the entire feast the night before a funeral? Each chapter includes a delicious, tried-and-true Southern recipe, critical if you plan to die tastefully any time soon. Pickled Shrimp, Aunt Hebe's Coconut Cake, and the ubiquitous Bing Cherry Salad with Coca-Cola are among the many dishes guaranteed to make the next funeral the most satisfying one yet. Even if you've never been south of Rochester, this book will charm, it will entertain, and it will give you all the ingredients required for the perfect Southern send-off.

Somebody Is Going to Die If Lilly Beth Doesn t Catch That Bouquet

Author: Gayden Metcalfe
Publisher: Hachette Books
ISBN: 9781401305758
Release Date: 2013-05-07
Genre: Humor

Even if you've never attended a wedding in the South, you'll find laughter in the pages of this deliciously entertaining slice of Southern life and love, complete with recipes, advice, and a huge dose of that famous charm "In the Mississippi Delta, funerals bring out the best in people, while weddings, which are supposed to be happy occasions, bring out the worst." So say Gayden Metcalfe and Charlotte Hays, authors of the bestseller Being Dead Is No Excuse: The Official Southern Ladies' Guide to Hosting the Perfect Funeral, who turn their keen eyes and sharp wit from the end of the life cycle to the all-important midpoint. For anyone planning, participating in, or attending a wedding (Southern or not), this book will amuse, entertain, and provide advice for marital bliss, including: It's OK to peek at an etiquette book, but if you rely too heavily on it, people will think that you are not fully acquainted with what is right and wrong. Anything that was not done in the past doesn't need to be done now--consider this before ordering a groom's cake, especially one featuring a fishing-tackle or golfing theme.

When Did White Trash Become the New Normal

Author: Charlotte Hays
Publisher: Regnery Publishing
ISBN: 9781621571605
Release Date: 2013-10-28
Genre: Humor

Tattoos. Unwed pregnancy. Giving up on shaving…showering…and employment. These used to be signatures of a trashy individual. Now they’re the new norm. What happened to etiquette, hygiene, and self restraint? Charlotte Hays, Southern gentlewoman extraordinaire, takes a humorous look at the spread of white trash culture to all levels of American society.

Some Day You ll Thank Me for This

Author: Gayden Metcalfe
Publisher: Hachette Books
ISBN: 9781401395728
Release Date: 2009-04-01
Genre: Family & Relationships

A hilarious guide to that incomparable creature--the Southern mother. Southern society is arranged along matriarchal lines, since the Southern matriarch is a far more formidable being than the much nicer Southern male. She has to be this way; she was put on earth with a sacred mission: to drum good manners and the proper religion--ancestor worship--into the next generation. In Some Day You'll Thank Me for This, Gayden Metcalfe and Charlotte Hays, bestselling authors of Being Dead Is No Excuse and Somebody's Going to Die If Lily Beth Doesn't Catch That Bouquet, deliver up a hilarious treatise--complete with appropriate recipes from those finicky, demanding moms--on the joys, trials, and tribulations of being the daughter of a Southern mother. Including sections such as A Crown in Heaven (a Southern mother's favorite fashion accessory), Grande Dames, Toasting the Southern Mother, and why grandmothers prefer their "precious angel baby" grandchildren to their own "bad" children, this is the perfect gift for any Southern mother--or daughter of one.

The Southern Sympathy Cookbook Funeral Food with a Twist

Author: Perre Coleman Magness
Publisher: The Countryman Press
ISBN: 9781682680391
Release Date: 2018-01-16
Genre: Cooking

Hearty bites for the heavy-hearted “He had a life-long love affair with deviled eggs, his homemade canned fig preserves, and buttermilk served in martini glasses garnished with cornbread.” —Obituary from Gulfport, Mississippi So-called “funeral food” is having a moment. Comforting casseroles; jugs of sweet tea; creamy, cheesy potatoes—all these foods provide sympathy and sustenance for the bereaved. The Southern Sympathy Cookbook includes unexpectedly humorous obituaries and anecdotes alongside staples of Southern funerals such as: Three Bean Salad with Bacon Vinaigrette Fried Chicken Pulled Pork with Homemade Barbecue Sauce Biscuit Cinnamon Rolls Whether feeding a congregation, delivering a meal to a friend in need, or cooking with weekday leftovers in mind, home cooks will embrace these recipes, guaranteed to comfort and to please a crowd.

The Fortune Hunters

Author: Charlotte Hays
Publisher: St. Martin's Press
ISBN: 1429917431
Release Date: 2007-08-07
Genre: Biography & Autobiography

From Madame de Pompadour, the famed mistress of Louis XV, to Pamela Harriman, who married into the English aristocracy and the American plutocracy, there is a rich history of women who have found glamour and wealth in the arms of a billionaire. But contrary to what you may think, fortune hunting is no idle pursuit. Like diving for treasure, it's a real job. Some women strive to be CEOs; others prefer to wed them. You'll meet today's dazzling successes in this book. What kind of woman does it take to make the Midas marriage? Exploring the lives of the great fortune hunters of our day, reporter and former gossip columnist Charlotte Hays answers this tantalizing question. You'll learn about the South Carolina woman who took a trip around the world with a shadowy shipping magnate, only to meet and marry a philandering marquis. You'll see what methods these women use to lure their powerful men, including one playful fortune seeker who, at a very high-society soirée, hurled a piece of bread at her intended beau, starting a food fight. You'll meet the New York socialite who remarried so quickly after a divorce, her ex claimed she was a bigamist. What are their recipes for riches? Can a genuinely nice woman pursue this career? What does love have to do with it? With original interviews and photos, Hays casts a light on the determination, skill, and---yes, sometimes---ruthlessness that have shaped some of the most successful---and lucrative---unions of our time.

Sheep 101

Author: Richard T. Morris
Publisher: Little, Brown Books for Young Readers
ISBN: 9780316477727
Release Date: 2018-03-13
Genre: Juvenile Fiction

A time-honored bedtime ritual gets a new twist in this rollicking mash-up of counting sheep and nursery rhyme characters. One night, a boy counts sheep as he tries to fall asleep.99. 100. 101....Crash! Sheep 101 is stuck in the fence. Will he ever get out and get the little boy to sleep? Meet Sheep 101 and his colorful cast of characters, like Humpty Dumpty, Blind Mouse, Little Piggy, and more! From Richard T. Morris, author of This Is a Moose, and beloved illustrator LeUyen Pham comes a hilarious story with vibrant illustrations full of late-night hijinks that will spark every child's imagination.

Suck Your Stomach in and Put Some Color on

Author: Shellie Rushing Tomlinson
Publisher: Penguin
ISBN: 0425221342
Release Date: 2008-05
Genre: Self-Help

Draws on the wisdom that all Southern mothers impart to their daughters to reveal everything one needs to know about marriage, love, raising children, and life in general, in a volume that furnishes real-life wisdom and recipes.

Can t Wait to Get to Heaven

Author: Fannie Flagg
Publisher: Random House
ISBN: 1588366197
Release Date: 2006-11-28
Genre: Fiction

Combining southern warmth with unabashed emotion and side-splitting hilarity, Fannie Flagg takes readers back to Elmwood Springs, Missouri, where the most unlikely and surprising experiences of a high-spirited octogenarian inspire a town to ponder the age-old question: Why are we here? Life is the strangest thing. One minute, Mrs. Elner Shimfissle is up in her tree, picking figs, and the next thing she knows, she is off on an adventure she never dreamed of, running into people she never in a million years expected to meet. Meanwhile, back home, Elner’s nervous, high-strung niece Norma faints and winds up in bed with a cold rag on her head; Elner’s neighbor Verbena rushes immediately to the Bible; her truck driver friend, Luther Griggs, runs his eighteen-wheeler into a ditch–and the entire town is thrown for a loop and left wondering, “What is life all about, anyway?” Except for Tot Whooten, who owns Tot’s Tell It Like It Is Beauty Shop. Her main concern is that the end of the world might come before she can collect her social security. In this comedy-mystery, those near and dear to Elner discover something wonderful: Heaven is actually right here, right now, with people you love, neighbors you help, friendships you keep. Can’t Wait to Get to Heaven is proof once more that Fannie Flagg “was put on this earth to write” (Southern Living), spinning tales as sweet and refreshing as iced tea on a summer day, with a little extra kick thrown in. From the Hardcover edition.

Swag

Author: Melinda Rainey Thompson
Publisher: John F. Blair, Publisher
ISBN: 9780895875419
Release Date:
Genre:

Ranging from swimsuit shopping to squirrel battling, from magnolia theft to cemetery etiquette, Melinda Rainey Thompson's delightful essays reflect the everyday peculiarities of life in the south.

Somebody Stole the Cornbread from My Dressing

Author: Elizabeth Gourlay Heiskell
Publisher:
ISBN: 1935692003
Release Date: 2010-10-01
Genre: Cooking

Features simple Southern recipes for special occasions and family meals, and presents humorous stories about the author's misadventures in a small Pennsylvania town after growing up in the South.

Being Dead

Author: Jim Crace
Publisher: Farrar, Straus and Giroux
ISBN: 142998015X
Release Date: 2000-04-02
Genre: Fiction

A haunting new novel about love, death, and the afterlife, from the author of Quarantine Baritone Bay, mid-afternoon. A couple, naked, married almost thirty years, are lying murdered in the dunes. "Their bodies had expired, but anyone could tell--just look at them--that Joseph and Celice were still devoted. For while his hand was touching her, curved round her shin, the couple seemed to have achieved that peace the world denies, a period of grace, defying even murder. Anyone who found them there, so wickedly disfigured, would nevertheless be bound to see that something of their love had survived the death of cells. The corpses were surrendered to the weather and the earth, but they were still a man and wife, quietly resting; flesh on flesh; dead, but not departed yet."

The Mockingbird Next Door

Author: Marja Mills
Publisher: Penguin
ISBN: 9780698163836
Release Date: 2014-07-15
Genre: Biography & Autobiography

To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee is one of the best loved novels of the twentieth century. But for the last fifty years, the novel’s celebrated author, Harper Lee, has said almost nothing on the record. Journalists have trekked to her hometown of Monroeville, Alabama, where Harper Lee, known to her friends as Nelle, has lived with her sister, Alice, for decades, trying and failing to get an interview with the author. But in 2001, the Lee sisters opened their door to Chicago Tribune journalist Marja Mills. It was the beginning of a long conversation—and a great friendship. In 2004, with the Lees’ blessing, Mills moved into the house next door to the sisters. She spent the next eighteen months there, sharing coffee at McDonalds and trips to the Laundromat with Nelle, feeding the ducks and going out for catfish supper with the sisters, and exploring all over lower Alabama with the Lees’ inner circle of friends. Nelle shared her love of history, literature, and the Southern way of life with Mills, as well as her keen sense of how journalism should be practiced. As the sisters decided to let Mills tell their story, Nelle helped make sure she was getting the story—and the South—right. Alice, the keeper of the Lee family history, shared the stories of their family. The Mockingbird Next Door is the story of Mills’s friendship with the Lee sisters. It is a testament to the great intelligence, sharp wit, and tremendous storytelling power of these two women, especially that of Nelle. Mills was given a rare opportunity to know Nelle Harper Lee, to be part of the Lees’ life in Alabama, and to hear them reflect on their upbringing, their corner of the Deep South, how To Kill a Mockingbird affected their lives, and why Nelle Harper Lee chose to never write another novel. From the Hardcover edition.