DO YOU WANT TO HEAR A JOKE? Better yet, do you want to be the person who keeps friends, family and coworkers laughing with a new joke every day? Packed full of THOUSANDS OF JOKES and alphabetically organized into hundreds of topics from ACCOUNTANTS TO ZEBRAS, this book offers you a massive collection of over-the-top jokes that will have everyone LAUGHING OUT LOUD. Did you hear about the flasher who was thinking of retiring? He finally decided to stick it out for one more year! A dog with three legs walks into a Wild West bar and says, ''I'm looking for the man who shot my paw.'' Where do you get virgin wool from? An ugly sheep! What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios? ''Oh look! Donut seeds! The police have reported the theft of a shipment of filing cabinets, document folders and labeling machines--it's believed to have been the work of organized crime.
Author: Jonathan Swan
Publisher: Random House
Release Date: 2010
Genre: English wit and humor
Did you hear about the scarecrow that won the Nobel Prize? He was outstanding in his field. What kind of cheese can hide a horse? Mascarpone. What about the red ship and the purple ship that collided at sea? Over one hundred sailors were marooned. Did you hear about the paranoid vegetarian? He always feared the wurst. A blonde Essex girl walked into a bar with an Englishman, and Irishman and a Scotsman, and started to change the lightbulb. The barman asked, 'Is this some kind of joke?' The third in the bestselling series of hilarious joke books - packed full of every kind of joke to make you laugh until your sides split. From elephants to mothers-in-law, priests to chickens, 'knock knock' to 'doctor, doctor' and much more besides, A Man Walks into a Bar 3 contains over 2,500 great new gags. Even Queen Victoria would be amused.
DO YOU WANT TO HEAR A JOKE? Better yet, do you want to be the person who keeps friends, family and coworkers laughing with a new joke every day? Packed full of THOUSANDS OF JOKES and alphabetically organized into hundreds of topics from ACCOUNTANTS TO ZEBRAS, this book offers you a massive collection of over-the-top jokes that will have everyone LAUGHING OUT LOUD. -Did you hear about the flasher who was thinking of retiring? "He finally decided to stick it out for one more year! " -A dog with three legs walks into a Wild West bar and says, "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw." -Where do you get virgin wool from? "An ugly sheep!" -What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios? ""Oh look! Donut seeds!" -The police have reported the theft of a shipment of filing cabinets, document folders and labeling machines--it's believed to have been the work of organized crime.
Author: William Donohue
Publisher: Simon and Schuster
Release Date: 2014-11
Hundreds of jokes for every occasion! Why was the limbo dancer shocked when his wallet was stolen right out of his back pocket? Because he didn't think anyone could stoop so low. The ultimate collection of the world's greatest funnies, The Best Joke Book (Period) keeps you laughing for hours on end. Inside, you'll find hundreds of jokes that are guaranteed to stir up a room full of smiles, including knock-knocks, witty puns, and one-liners. Complete with hilarious quotes from celebrities like Jon Stewart, Lewis Black, and Jerry Seinfeld, everyone will revel in each gut-busting moment. So whether you're looking to add a few jokes to your repertoire, impress your buds, or improve your banter, this sidesplitting book arms you with the perfect joke for any occasion!
Whether you re making a toast at a wedding, trying to break the ice at a party, or just want to make your boss giggle, the Ultimate Book of Jokes is the first and last resource you'll ever need. From road-crossing chickens and classic knock knock jokes to the naughty, nice, and totally soused, no subject goes unmocked in this collection of over 1,500 jokes, packaged in a deluxe embossed board cover with 2-color line art throughout. Scott McNeeley, author of Ultimate Book of Card Games, mined decades worth of jokes to find chuckle-inducing punch lines for joke lovers of all stripes from yo mamma aficionados to naughty limerick connoisseurs.
Author: David Pickering
Publisher: Penguin UK
Release Date: 2006-08-03
Have you heard the one about the man who walked into a bar? (Ouch!)... Penguin Pocket Jokes is essential (and hilarious) reading for anyone searching for the perfect joke. Whether you want a snappy wisecrack or a longer rib-tickler when making a speech, this easy-to-use guide will provide the perfect witticism.
Author: Mike Haskins
Publisher: Carlton Publishing Group
Release Date: 2017-09
This superb collection of 500 of the best jokes, one-liners, and puns is filled with nothing but classic rib-ticklers and great gags, all of which have stood the test of time. There are puns, jokes, top tens, and all kinds of jokes on all sorts of subjects.
Author: Llewellyn Dowd
Publisher: Random House
Release Date: 2011-10-06
What is the difference between a dog and a fox? About 9 pints What do you call a man with a 2 inch penis? Justin What's pink and hard in the morning? The Financial Times crossword Did you hear about the consignment of Viagra pills stolen from a warehouse? Police are on the lookout for hardened criminals An aeroplane is about to crash, when a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, 'If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman.' She removes all her clothing and asks, 'Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?' A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, 'Here, iron this!' The greatest ever collection of dirty jokes guaranteed to offend and outrage the prudish. Full of hilarious gags, it's totally politically incorrect, unashamedly x-rated and downright filthy. Definitely one to keep well out of the way of the mother-in-law...
DO YOU WANT TO HEAR A JOKE? Better yet, do you want to be the person who keeps friends laughing with a new joke every day? Packed full of THOUSANDS OF JOKES on every topic from HUNG-OVER ACCOUNTANTS TO HORNY ZEBRAS, this book offers you over-the-top jokes that will have everyone laughing out loud. *What’s the difference between a bartender and a pharmacist? Nothing, the bartender just has a limited selection. *What do West Virginians do when their car breaks down? Build a house next to it. *Why were the blonde’s boobs square? Because she forgot to take the tissue out of the box. *Two former classmates meet at a reunion. The first proclaims, "I’m a garbage man.” "I’m a lawyer,” replies the second. "Honest?” asks the first. "No, just the normal kind,” says the lawyer. *I come from a small town where the population never changes. Each time a woman gets pregnant, a man leaves town.
Author: Tim Vine
Publisher: Random House
Release Date: 2010-09-30
The irrepressible, hysterical, puntastical Tim Vine, star of stage and screen, treats all of us here in his first joke book. Packed full of zingers and hilarious illustrations, if this doesn't put a smile on your face, nothing will. What's not to like: The other day someone left a piece of plasticine in my dressing room. I didn't know what to make of it. I'm against hunting. I'm actually a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoot the fox. I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah. He was trying to pull a fast one. Black holes. I don't know what people see in them. So I fancied a game of darts with my mate. He said, 'Nearest the bull goes first.' He went 'Baah' and I went 'Moo'. He said 'You're closest.' Velcro. What a rip-off. Black Beauty. He's a dark horse. I've got a sponge front door. Hey, don't knock it.
Author: Pat Williams
Release Date: 2002-08-15
Laughter is power. Nothing livens up a presentation like well-placed jokes, which can take an audience from bored disinterest to rapt attention in seconds. In this ultimate collection of one-liners, author Pat Williams, one of the country's top motivational and inspirational speakers and senior vice president of the Orlando Magic, shares the jokes he has been using to win over audiences for over forty years. Arranged into more than 200 categories—from airlines and politics to world conditions and zoos—these 3,400 battle-tested funnies, delivered before a rich variety of audiences, will keep readers roaring. While many other joke books offer material that is either not very funny or off-color, Winning with One-Liners provides clean, wholesome entertainment for all audiences. Sometimes we all need a good laugh, and Pat Williams shows how to do it right in this indispensable book for all speakers.
A collection of 10,000 side-splitting one-line jokes arranged in categories from bestselling humour editor Geoff Tibballs. 'Is my wife dissatisfied with my body? A small part of me says yes.' 'Letting the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back in.' 'I read somewhere that 26 is too old to still live with your parents. It was on a note, in my room.'
For jokesters who like their humor on the dark side, this Classic Book of Rude Jokes compiles the most hilariously crass jokes out there in one compact volume. Scott McNeely, author of Ultimate Book of Jokes, has mined decades of rude joke history in search of the best of the worst jokes that were too shocking to include in his first collection. From dirty blonde jokes and tasteless religious jokes to the just plain sick and twisted, no one escapes offense in this collection of gags that is sure to please even the crudest comedian.