Author: Eric Grzymkowski
Publisher: Simon and Schuster
Release Date: 2011-09-15
Whoever said, "sticks and stones may break your bones, but words will never hurt you" never met an a**hole. Here, you'll find more than 1,200 of the most biting quotes, comments, and comebacks ever uttered, including: "I would like to take you seriously, but to do so would be an affront to your intelligence." --George Bernard Shaw "Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former." --Albert Einstein "If they can make penicillin out of moldy bread, they can sure make something out of you." --Muhammed Ali You won't just find quotes from typical a**holes like Winston Churchill, Joseph Stalin, and Mark Twain, either. You'll also see what happens when practically perfect folks like Walt Disney, Mahatma Ghandi, and Audrey Hepburn lose their cool. So embrace your dark side and get ready to enjoy every over-confident, over-blown, over-the-top a**hole comment you'll ever need.
Author: James Napoli
Publisher: Sterling Publishing Company Incorporated
Release Date: 2014-10-07
Long live snarkiness! When you need to impart your wit and wisdom to the world, these 45 snippy postcards will do the trick. The brainchild of James Napoli, executive vice president of the National Sarcasm Society and creator of The Official Dictionary of Sarcasm, this cutting collection will provoke thought, inspire laughs, and make people (especially the dull ones) very uncomfortable.
This essential phrasebook collects the most colorful, explicit, and outrageous ways to tell people off in every part of the world. Featuring dozens of different languages, the sayings range from everyday swears to family curses to expressions for X-rated relations with animals. Phonetic pronunciation is provided so that readers can curse like a native, and handy illustrations provide visual guides to these foreign exclamations. Perfect for the international traveler who may need to wish an enemy a painful death, insult a person's grandmother, or accuse someone's mother of having intimate relations with bears in the forest.
Author: Gregory Bergman
Publisher: Simon and Schuster
Release Date: 2008-09-01
You order a large coffee with milk and two sugars at the drive thru, and wind up with a large black—decaf. You go to save the presentation that's taken you all week to complete—only to discover it's corrupt. Your bank slaps you with a $25 charge for overdrafting 25 cents… And all you can think is…WTF? Luckily for you, this book fills in the blanks and gives you humorous ideas for what to do when life makes them say, "what the f*#!?" Step by step, the authors take readers through inventively therapeutic, sometimes illegal, always hilarious solutions to life's many problematic situations. Whether it happens at the office or at home, out on the town or in the bedroom, life's most f*#!'ed-up situations are covered in this entertaining guide. Rather than turn lemons into lemonade, this book spits lemon juice into life's eye and gives it a good kick to the junk.
A collection of photos features misspelled and ungrammatical signs from across the United States and the world, along with captions that further clarify or amplify their humorous aspects, including "We are doing toilets cleaning, so sorry for the incontinence" (at KFC), "No parking aloud" (street sign), and many more. Original.
Society tells us to accept people for who they are. Sometimes society is wrong. Meet the best of the absolute worst-the perpetrators of the most wretched demonstrations of moral conduct ever: Super Snorer Terrible Baby Namer Hot Water User-Upper Express Checkout Cheater No-Umbrella Etiquette Lady Eight-Minute Voicemail Leaver Dude Who Takes Board Games Too Seriously People Who Deserve It exposes everyone and everything whose behavior, life choices, and sometimes odor leave humanity with only one painful option: a punch to the face.
Author: Lawrence Dorfman
Publisher: Skyhorse Publishing Inc.
Release Date: 2017-08-22
From the author of the bestselling Snark series comes the premiere guide to satire, sneering, jeering, and mockery in their finest forms. A surviving knight of many a verbal joust, Larry Dorfman has become an expert at backhanded sass and cathartic banter. Featuring life lessons from the master himself, as well as quotes and quips by some of history’s sarcastic greats, The Sarcasm Handbook teaches readers how to deflect stupidity and express their inner dissatisfaction with a keen sensibility, hushing subtlety, and wisecrack wit. Included in these invaluable teachings are chapters on achieving the right tone, sarcastic bastards in history, as well as scenarios depicting some of the greatest moments in sarcasm. So pick up your copy today and start learning the art of disparagement through passive aggressiveness!
From career to relationships and grooming to gaming and more, the guys’ ultimate man-ual for living. For every guy too intimidated to ask a question for fear of seeming inexperienced and unworldly, here’s a book to answer all (or most!) of life’s pressing quandaries: Howdo you break off a friendship when it’s not working any longer? What should you cook when a date is coming over for dinner? How do you buy a used car and not get totally taken for a ride? How do you stop a charging dog? In Man Up!, journalist Paul O’Donnell and his team of knowledgable experts tackle 367 of these tough questions, imparting their advice in short to-the-point answers. Organized thematically, Man Up! is packed with essential advice delivered in prose that is as entertaining to read as it is helpful and clever. The tips run the gamut—from how to mix up a killer punch for a party to how to throw a punch when there is no other way out. Hip, engaging line drawings help to illustrate the advice, providing more than just sight gags. For every young man newly embarking on his independent adult life and for a guy at any age wanting to brush up on his skills, Man Up! is like having a trusted friend helping you along the way—except this friend has all the right answers!
Rap songs are famous for their double entendres, clever turns of phrase, and general ingenuity, but that doesnÆt mean things always make sense the first time around. Enter Understand Rap, a very funny pop-cultural reference book based on the website of the same name, which precisely explains the confusing lyrics and terms used in rap songs using language that even the most un-hip person can understand. The juxtaposition of a dry, academic tone with hip-hop terminology results in a book thatÆs as entertaining as it is informative.
Author: Lawrence Dorfman
Publisher: Skyhorse Publishing, Inc.
Release Date: 2013-12-13
What do Dorothy Parker, Groucho Marx, H. L. Mencken, Oscar Wilde, Robert Benchley, George Bernard Shaw, Jules Feiffer, Bill Hicks, Bill Maher, Phyllis Diller, Édith Piaf, W. C. Fields, Mark Twain, Voltaire, Charles Bukowski, and countless others have in common? Not a thing, other than each was a brilliantly snarky wit and all are included in this compendium of the original snark handbooks. Hear wit, sarcasm, and offhanded comments from: The Snark Handbook: A Reference Guide to Verbal SparringThe Snark Handbook: Insult EditionThe Snark Handbook: Sex EditionSnark! The Herald Angels SingThe Snark Handbook: Politics and Government EditionThe Snark Handbook: ClichÉs EditionThe Snark Handbook: Parenting EditionIsn’t that enough!?!?A minor literary success (beloved by both minors and miners), the snark handbooks have cemented their position in the literary world, high atop toilet seats everywhere. Now in one great big edition, this lofty tome promises to fulfill the need to chuckle, guffaw, titter, groan, and belly laugh as readers dip in and out of the great minds in literature, comedy, movies, music, and more. Proceed with caution.
Tonight, by moonlight, I will rake my leaves into my neighbor's yard. Had it up to here with sugary-sweet affirmation books that ignore the pleasures of resentment and mean-spiritedness? Tired of the self-helpaholics who've been sipping too much chicken soup? Then this book is for you. Here are 365 splendidly bitter daily meditations that will appeal to the cynic in you. Nowhere else will you find such odes to self-absorption as: ·Today I will equate material possessions with love. ·Today I will taunt others until they cry, then tell them they are too sensitive. ·Today I will make a new friend based solely on how he or she can further my career. ·Today I will respect my need to sabotage everyone else's success. From the Trade Paperback edition.
The lord of snark, Lawrence Dorfman, is back! With this treasury of backhanded compliments, sarcastic insults, and catty comebacks, Dorfman gives us transformative wisdom that’s sure to change your life—or at least induce a light chuckle. One question plagues us all: How do we survive all the Sturm und Drang of everyday life? The answer is but one word: snark. “She wears her clothes as if they were thrown on by a pitchfork.” —Jonathan Swift “Why don’t you get a haircut? You look like a chrysanthemum.” —P. G. Wodehouse “He’s a mental midget with the IQ of a fence post.” —Tom Waits “They hardly make ’em like him anymore—but just to be on the safe side, he should be castrated anyway.” —Hunter S. Thompson “He has a Teflon brain . . . nothing sticks” —Lily Tomlin “He has no more backbone than a chocolate éclair.” —Theodore Roosevelt Snark will keep the wolves at bay (or at least out on the porch). Snark, much like a double scotch, will help you deal with relatives, shopping, and rudeness; it is an outlet for the unleashed vitriolic bile that’s saved itself up over the months. Like a shield, it will protect you while you go about your life. Snark is your answer!
Author: Matthew Dibenedetti
Publisher: Adams Media
Release Date: 2012-01-18
It's true: Misery does love company. But what kind of company can you keep if you can't stand anyone? This kind. No matter who they are or what they do that sets you off and gets you going, you'll find 'em inside. From rich people who are dicks to guys named Rich who go by Dick to those who are always cold to people who are just hot, no one is safe. But one thing is certain—everyone will find someone they equally despise. And you're gonna love it, period.