The Onion Book of Known Knowledge

Author: The Onion
Publisher: Little, Brown
ISBN: 9780316133234
Release Date: 2012-10-23
Genre: Humor

Are you a witless cretin with no reason to live? Would you like to know more about every piece of knowledge ever? Do you have cash? Then congratulations, because just in time for the death of the print industry as we know it comes the final book ever published, and the only one you will ever need: The Onion's compendium of all things known. Replete with an astonishing assemblage of facts, illustrations, maps, charts, threats, blood, and additional fees to edify even the most simple-minded book-buyer, THE ONION BOOK OF KNOWN KNOWLEDGE is packed with valuable information-such as the life stages of an Aunt; places to kill one's self in Utica, New York; and the dimensions of a female bucket, or "pail." With hundreds of entries for all 27 letters of the alphabet, THE ONION BOOK OF KNOWN KNOWLEDGE must be purchased immediately to avoid the sting of eternal ignorance.

The Onion Book of Known Knowledge

Author: The Onion
Publisher:
ISBN: 0316216917
Release Date: 2014
Genre: Humor

Are you a witless cretin with no reason to live' Would you like to know more about every piece of knowledge ever' Do you have cash' Then congratulations, because just in time for the death of the print industry as we know it comes the final book ever published, and the only one you will ever need: The Onion's compendium of all things known. Replete with an astonishing assemblage of facts, illustrations, maps, charts, threats, blood, and additional fees to edify even the most simple-minded book-buyer, THE ONION BOOK OF KNOWN KNOWLEDGE is packed with valuable information-such as the life stages of an Aunt; places to kill one's self in Utica, New York; and the dimensions of a female bucket, or "pail." With hundreds of entries for all 27 letters of the alphabet, THE ONION BOOK OF KNOWN KNOWLEDGE must be purchased immediately to avoid the sting of eternal ignorance.

Our Dumb Century

Author: Scott Dikkers
Publisher: Crown Pub
ISBN: 9780307393579
Release Date: 2007-09-25
Genre: Humor

The staff of The Onion presents a satirical collection of mock headlines and news stories, including an account of the Pentagon's development of an A-bomb-resistant desk for schoolchildren.

The Ecstasy of Defeat

Author: Editors of The Onion
Publisher: Hachette Books
ISBN: 9781401304492
Release Date: 2011-12-20
Genre: Humor

The Sports Page As You've Never Seen It Before From painfully obvious steroid revelations to sex scandals and superstars who announce trades in over-the-top TV specials, the wide world of sports can often seem too ridiculous for words. Well, attention sports fans: In The Ecstasy of Defeat, the editors of The Onion offer the laugh-out-loud funny and long overdue lampoon of sports culture you've been waiting for. Filled with the very best of The Onion's bench-clearing sports coverage, this book includes such classics as: Lip-Reading BCS Computer Kills Officials Who Want To Shut It Down Barry Bonds Took Steroids, Reports Everyone Who Has Ever Watched Baseball. Report: Cheap Chinese NBA Players Falling Apart After A Few Seasons. Barbaro's Doctors: "A Horse This Good You Don't Eat All At Once." Lance Armstrong Wants To Tell Nation Something But Nation Has To Promise Not To Get Mad. No topic escapes the satirical slap of America's Finest News Source, and the book covers not only mainstream sports--such as baseball, basketball, and football--but also lesser sports, sports culture, and special events like the World Cup and the Olympics. Featuring all the players, teams, and sports we love--and love to hate--The Ecstasy of Defeat is a must-read for sports nuts and Onion fans alike.

Our Dumb World

Author: The Onion, Inc.
Publisher: Little, Brown
ISBN: 0316018430
Release Date: 2008-10-27
Genre: Current Events

OUR DUMB WORLD is the world's most comprehensive fake atlas: a repository of all known information about the planet Earth (except where covered by clouds). In late 2007 the hardcover edition became one of the hottest books of the holiday season, entertaining and offending hundreds of thousands of readers around the globe. This new, easy-to-carry paperback edition is perfect for the intrepid traveler to any of the world's exotic locales--from Afghanistan, "Allah's Cat Box," to Ukraine, "the Bridebasket of Europe," to the USA's own Nevada, "Where Everyone's a Loser." Packed with beautiful full-color maps and framed with inaccurate essays about all the world's peoples and places, OUR DUMB WORLD is a gut-busting send-up in which no nation escapes unscathed. "Bottom line: laughed my head off." --Deirdre Donahue, USA Today

Dispatches from the Tenth Circle

Author: Robert Siegel
Publisher: Three Rivers Press (CA)
ISBN: 9780609808344
Release Date: 2001
Genre: Humor

Collects articles from The Onion satirizing people and issues including legislators, religion, small towns, anti-tobacco propaganda, celebrities, and Starbucks.

The Onion Magazine

Author: The Onion
Publisher: Little, Brown
ISBN: 9780316256483
Release Date: 2014-11-04
Genre: Humor

Covers That Matter For People Who Don't. From America's Finest News Source comes a compilation of the most important, most influential, and glossiest magazine covers ever produced by the hand of humankind. Seen by tens of billions worldwide, these are the unforgettable Onion Magazine covers that altered the course of human history and radically redefined your trivial life anew every weekend. Profound philosophical questions, the thoughts of leading cultural luminaries, harsh truths of existence, remorseless personal attacks -- you will encounter full-color graphical representations of all of these within this handsome volume. Whether you are a connoisseur of pretty pictures or are new to looking at images, THE ONION MAGAZINE: THE ICONIC COVERS THAT TRANSFORMED AN UNDESERVING WORLD is sure to give you, the feebleminded consumer, far more pleasure than you have any earthly right to experience.

The Art of Fixing Things Principles of Machines and How to Repair Them

Author: Lawrence E. Pierce
Publisher: Createspace Indie Pub Platform
ISBN: 146629633X
Release Date: 2011
Genre: House & Home

Inside this book are over 150 tips and tricks, with illustrations, which focus on the basics of tool use and machines. This book demonstrates ways to make things work longer and techniques to repair them when they break.

Our Front Pages

Author: The Onion
Publisher: Scribner
ISBN: 1439156921
Release Date: 2009-11-03
Genre: Humor

From The Birth Of A Nation To The Death Of Journalism Since its founding by a bloodthirsty tyrant in 1756, The Onion has not merely changed the way we think about the news -- it has changed whether we think about the news at all. As the first decade of this new millennium draws to a close, Our Front Pages shows us the first thing that presidents, kings, prime ministers, and popes saw when they opened their eyes each morning for the last 21 years. Now you, the common reader and citizen, can see what they saw and be as informed as they were with this important retrospective of the past two decades. You, too, will realize what generations before have realized and generations yet unborn will some day realize in turn: The Onion is not merely the chronicle of America. The Onion is America.

Michael Symon s Carnivore

Author: Michael Symon
Publisher: Clarkson Potter
ISBN: 9780307951786
Release Date: 2012
Genre: Cooking

An Iron Chef and co-host of The Chew shares dozens of recipes for steaks, chops, wings and lesser-known cuts, sharing insights into breeds, cuts and techniques for making informed decisions while instructing home cooks on the preparations of such dishes as Broiled Porterhouse with Garlic and Lemon, Ribs With Cleveland BBQ Sauce and Lamb Moussaka. 40,000 first printing.

America the Book

Author: Jon Stewart
Publisher: Grand Central Pub
ISBN: 0446532681
Release Date: 2004
Genre: Humor

The host of the award-winning humorous news program offers tongue-in-cheek insight into American democracy with coverage of such topics as the republican qualities of ancient Rome, the antics of our nation's founders, and the ludicrous nature of today's media.

The Onion Presents Christmas Exposed

Author: The Onion Staff
Publisher: Quirk Books
ISBN: 9781594745447
Release Date: 2011-10-25
Genre: Humor

Christmas wouldn’t be Christmas without impulse-priced holiday gift books—and now The Onion has unleashed its award-winning team of investigative journalists upon the genre. Christmas Exposed features more than one hundred shocking tales of Secret Santas, shopping mall mayhem, dysfunctional family dinners, and much, much more. From the Trade Paperback edition.

The Trump Leaks

Author: The Editors of the Onion
Publisher: Harper Design
ISBN: 0062834266
Release Date: 2017-10-24
Genre: Humor

The Onion, the nation's sole beacon of truth in an era besieged by darkness and lies, has fearlessly published hundreds of classified documents obtained from an anonymous whistleblower deep within the Trump White House. From top secret national security briefings hand-colored in crayon by President Trump, to encrypted e-mails sent by Kremlin operatives, to Vice President Pence's impure thoughts about the Morton Salt girl, the earth-shattering revelations contained within The Trump Leaks are all but certain to topple the president and alter the very arc of global history. With this soon-to-be Pulitzer-winning work of investigative reportage, America's Finest News Source has selflessly provided the world with its first and only glimpse inside the hidden workings and tortured minds of the Trump Administration.

National Geographic Angry Birds

Author: Mel White
Publisher: National Geographic Society
ISBN: 9781426214110
Release Date: 2014-01-21
Genre: Nature

"If playing Angry Birds has suddenly turned you into a bird lover, you’ll want to get your talons on the latest book National Geographic Angry Birds: 50 True Stories of the Fed Up, Feathered and Furious." --geekstyleguide.com This hilariously eye-popping book showcases real-world angry birds and 50 fantastic stories peppered with tips to avoid them, as well as fascinating facts about angry bird behavior. In addition to the funny and light-hearted real-life angry bird stories, National Geographic Angry Birds: Fed up, Feathered, and Furious will tell, for the first time ever, the story of the Angry Birds we all know and love from the hit game. Angry Bird fans will finally get to learn the personality, name, and all the details of each of the iconic Angry Birds. The Angry Birds' stories have been TOP SECRET until now, and will only be revealed in this book! Rovio graphics and National Geographic photography are featured throughout. Structured like the game which progresses in degree of difficulty, the book progresses in degree of anger and devotes a chapter to each level of anger intensity; Annoyed, Testy, Outraged, and Furious. Readers will discover the world's angriest real bird at the end. As one of the most trusted authorities on animal behavior, National Geographic is the perfect source for the real truth behind real-life angry birds.

How to Speak Zombie

Author: Steve Mockus
Publisher: Chronicle Books
ISBN: 0811874885
Release Date: 2010-02-24
Genre: Humor

In a world overtaken by zombies, the only hope for survival lies in learning the language of the undead. How to Speak Zombie demonstrates how to blend in and avoid being eaten while carrying on with everyday activities like ordering a latte from a zombarista and shopping at a zombie-infested mall. This essential guide features an electronic sound module that demonstrates proper zombie pronunciation ("RAHHHhh!"), helpful text that explores the customs and etiquette of the zombie world, and detailed illustrations that show the undead doing everything from pumping iron to dancing the night away. Deeply informative, this handbook also includes an all-purpose BRAINS button that can be used in any situation, deadly or otherwise.