The other side of the closet

Author: Amity Buxton
Publisher: Wiley
ISBN: UCSC:32106015218958
Release Date: 1994-06-07
Genre: Family & Relationships

Candid, compassionate, authoritative--a rich source of insights, information, and practical guidance. "The first major work on the topic." --Gay Community News "A much needed comprehensive study of what happens to husbands, wives, and children during the coming-out crisis. --The Reverend Jane E. Vennard, founder Task Force for Spouses of Gays and Lesbians "The new enlarged edition adds important factors, especially children's reactions to a parent's coming out. Well-researched and insightful." --Fritz Klein, M.D., author of The Bisexual Option "Anybody practicing in this area would be well advised to read this book." --Professor Arthur S. Leonard, New York Law School In two million marriages, one spouse is gay, lesbian, or bisexual. Having a spouse or parent disclose his or her same-sex attraction is a shattering experience fraught with pain, confusion, anger, and a profound loss of self-esteem. Amity Pierce Buxton spotlights this exploding phenomenon and reports constructive coping strategies that spouses and children have used to resolve problems of sexual damage, family breakdown, deception, and homophobia. Illustrated throughout by riveting personal narratives, this expanded edition of The Other Side of the Closet traces the family's journey from initial trauma to eventual transformation. This invaluable source of information for spouses, families, and professionals is based on Dr. Buxton's eight years of research, including interviews with 1,000 straight spouses and children, her own personal experience, and her counseling work with spouses of gay, lesbian, and bisexual partners.

Unseen Unheard

Author: Amity Pierce Buxton
Publisher: CCB Publishing
ISBN: 9781771430692
Release Date: 2013-06
Genre: FAMILY & RELATIONSHIPS

When presumably heterosexual spouses turn out to be gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender, the unexpected revelation overshadows its devastating impact on their straight wives and husbands. Unseen-Unheard opens the window on their remarkable journeys from trauma to transformation. What would you do if your husband said he'd fallen in love with a man or thinks he might be gay or bisexual, or you discovered your wife's texts, photos, or emails indicating she has a female lover and wonders if she might be lesbian or bisexual? Well, this happens, a shattering reality that at least two million men and women have faced and tried to understand and accept, even as we were unseen and our voices unheard. Who are we? We are husbands and wives left behind when our spouses came out or after we discovered they were gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender. Shocked and paralyzed, swirling in the devastating wake of our beloveds' revelation, we had to pick up unrecognizable pieces of our former lives and try to reconfigure them without much outside support, recognition, or understanding of the depth of the crisis. Yes, straight spouses typically cope alone with unique issues of sexuality, betrayal, and broken belief systems. Slowly, we redefine ourselves, create new lives, affirm the joy of living, and reap life's infinite possibilities. We invite you to walk with us and experience our journey from the first desperate cries of discovery or disclosure to insights and wisdom gained as we resolve our issues and transform our lives. As you observe and listen, we hope you will embrace the courage, creativity, and resilience of our strength, which we didn't know we had, yet was so powerful that lifelong habits were broken and we uniquely and marvelously became who we were meant to be. About the Authors: Amity Pierce Buxton, her Ph.D. from Columbia University, has taught grades pre-school through graduate school. Member of the American Psychological Association, she serves on the editorial boards of the Journal of Bisexuality and the Journal of GLBT Family Studies and on the board of the Catholic Association for Gay and Lesbian Ministry. She wrote The Other Side of the Closet: the Coming-Out Crisis for Straight Spouses and Families and founded the worldwide Straight Spouse Network. Currently, she counsels spouses and couples, conducts research, writes articles and chapters, lectures, and gives workshops on all aspects of the impact of a spouse's coming out in a mixed-orientation or transgender/non-transgender marriage. R. L. Pinely writes, -Collaborating with Amity to write this book has been an amazing journey. Absorbing her expertise has been a rare privilege as we lived vicariously through the lives of others and walked in their shoes. As owner of an online support group, I'm so thankful that I have the opportunity every day to pass along her wisdom, insight, experience, and understanding to nearly 3,000 women.- Visit the Straight Spouse Network website: www.straightspouse.org

When Your Spouse Comes Out

Author: Carol Grever
Publisher: Routledge
ISBN: 9781136458835
Release Date: 2012-10-12
Genre: Family & Relationships

Effective therapeutic self-help techniques for a straight mate’s recovery One of the most traumatic events that can happen in a marriage is discovering your mate is gay. When Your Spouse Comes Out: A Straight Mate’s Recovery Manual is a comprehensive exploration of the trauma that provides practical steps that successful individuals have taken to keep this event from ruining their future. This guide offers solid therapeutic techniques for self-help and presents poignant true stories that illustrate that the damage is not irreparable. The book examines the various reactions to the coming-out event, the personal challenges and obstacles often experienced, and shares lessons learned and some of the secrets of transformation. When this crisis hits home, isolation, depression, anger, grief, and self-recrimination take root. When Your Spouse Comes Out: A Straight Mate’s Recovery Manual presents role models, analysis, practices, and activities promoting long-term emotional recovery for heterosexual men and women whose intimate partners are gay. The text includes integrated exercises helpful for class work and student discussion and case studies of people who recount their stories and explain their recovery. Topics in When Your Spouse Comes Out: A Straight Mate’s Recovery Manual include: different straight spouse responses to the coming out event diverse ways gay mates approach coming out typical stages of coping by straight spouses health risks how to tell the children helping children with the resulting challenges paths toward healing recreating family and more When Your Spouse Comes Out: A Straight Mate’s Recovery Manual offers a self-directed path to recovery which can be used individually or in the context of a support group. This guide is invaluable for straight spouses working alone or in groups, therapists, counselors, group facilitators, librarians, families of gays/lesbians, and their mates.

A Pebble In His Shoe

Author: Dr. Francine Barbetta
Publisher: Xlibris Corporation
ISBN: 1453506853
Release Date: 2008-07-23
Genre: Family & Relationships

This is a captivating journey of a picture-perfect marriage and the devastating effects of a quest for self. Taken from Francine’s heart-wrenching diary, we see Francine, an eternal optimist, and Frank, a dedicated husband and father with a pain too deep to ignore any longer, travel the painful path of a straight spouse and a homosexual husband. As Frank’s repressed urges are aroused, he searches to understand his sexuality, while Francine tries to be supportive as she desperately tries to grasp on to what is slowly slipping away. Francine’s passion for forgiveness gives her courage and great strength to help Frank on his quest.

Over the Cliff

Author: Bonnie Kaye
Publisher: CCB Publishing
ISBN: 9781926918617
Release Date: 2011-05-01
Genre: Family & Relationships

"Over the Cliff" is a self-help book for husbands and wives living in straight/gay marriages. Over three million gay men in the United States and millions more around the world are living double lives in marriages to women due to societal pressures or a lack of understanding their homosexuality at the time of marriage. This book has over a dozen interviews with men who have lived through this experience and offer their insights to others. The book is co-authored by Bonnie Kaye, M.Ed., an internationally recognized counseling specialist for straight wives married to gay men and Doug Dittmer, a gay husband peer counselor who has worked with Kaye over the past five years helping numerous gay men in marriages come to terms with their homosexuality so they can move on to more fulfilling lives. About the Authors Bonnie Kaye is an internationally recognized Relationship Counselor/Author in the field of straight/gay marriages. She has provided relationship counseling for over 25 years with more than 70,000 women who have sexually dysfunctional husbands due to homosexuality, bisexuality, transgenderism or sexual addictions. She is considered an authority in this field by other professionals and the media. Kaye has published five books on straight/gay relationships, which have sold thousands of copies. Her website www.Gayhusbands.com has consistently remained in the number one position on Google, Yahoo, and other major search engines since it's launching in 2000. When media contacts want an expert, they come to Bonnie Kaye who has more experience and expertise than any other person in this country. Her official book website is located at www.BonnieKayeBooks.com. Kaye's other books include: "The Gay Husband Checklist for Women Who Wonder; Doomed Grooms: Gay Husbands of Straight Wives; ManReaders: A Woman's Guide to Dysfunctional Men; Straight Wives: Shattered Lives; Bonnie Kaye's Straight Talk;" and "How I Made My Husband Gay: Myths About Straight Wives." With over 30 years experience in business management, Talent Acquisition and Executive Recruitment, Doug Dittmer's career has depended on his ability to coach clients and employees in problem resolution. Eighteen years into his marriage, Doug faced his own crisis and announced that he was gay. In 1981 Doug put his skills to work to fight discrimination against lesbian, gay and bisexual people. Doug began as a Legislative Lobbyist for the Michigan Organization for Human Rights (MOHR), the State's premier gay rights organization. Within a short time he was elected as the group's Education Officer, charged with the responsibility of educating the general public about lesbian and gay issues. Doug went on to be elected President of the organization. Under his leadership, a task force of volunteer litigation attorneys was recruited to overturn Michigan's sodomy statutes. Two years later, in MOHR v. Kelly, MOHR achieved that objective when the Wayne County Circuit Court ruled the statute as unconstitutional. In November 1985, the Detroit City Council recognized his achievements and leadership in the area of human rights by awarding him the Spirit of Detroit Award. Over the years since, Doug has reached out to other gay men coming to terms with their sexuality in mid-life, acting as peer counselor and coach.

Handbook of LGBT Affirmative Couple and Family Therapy

Author: Jerry J. Bigner
Publisher: Routledge
ISBN: 9781136340338
Release Date: 2012-05-04
Genre: Psychology

The editors and contributors of this comprehensive text provide a unique and important contribution to LGBT clinical literature. Spanning 30 chapters, they discuss the diverse and complex issues involved in LGBT couple and family therapy. In almost 15 years, this book provides the first in-depth overview of the best practices for therapists and those in training who wish to work effectively with LGBT clients, couples, and families need to know, and is only the second of its kind in the history of the field. The clinical issues discussed include • raising LGBT children • coming out • elderly LGBT issues • sex therapy • ethical and training issues Because of the breadth of the book, its specificity, and the expertise of the contributing authors and editors, it is the definitive handbook on LGBT couple and family therapy.

My Husband Is Gay

Author: Carol Grever
Publisher: Crossing Press
ISBN: 9780307815408
Release Date: 2012-03-07
Genre: Family & Relationships

“These women demonstrate the will to survive intact . . . Their passage to wholeness exemplifies forgiveness, growth, healing, hope, and sometimes reconciliation.”—from MY HUSBAND IS GAY Carol and Jim were high school sweethearts who married in their early twenties. Thirty years and two children later, Jim announced to his wife that he was homosexual. A fundamentalist Christian, he had been leading a double life for years. In an effort to sort out her pain and confusion, Carol Grever sought out other heterosexual women, of all ages, ethnicities, and educational backgrounds, who were married to gay men. The stories she uncovered examine their coping strategies and form the basis of this manual for healing. From the Trade Paperback edition.

Current Research on Bisexuality

Author: Ronald Fox
Publisher: Routledge
ISBN: 9781136569630
Release Date: 2013-04-03
Genre: Social Science

Current Research on Bisexuality is an important resource on recent psychological and sociological findings in bisexual studies. The authors provide research findings and case studies that add to our understanding of bisexual identity, bisexuality and relationships, bisexuality and ethnicity, and attitudes toward bisexual people. This book examines research findings, literature reviews, and a wealth of resources that currently exist on bisexuality and bisexual issues. This book will bring you up to date on: bisexual identity development bisexuality in college students cross-orientation friendships of bisexual women bisexual married women and men—and their spouses bisexuality and heterosexually married couples monogamous as well as open bisexual relationships the interrelationship of bisexuality, race, and ethnicity attitudes toward bisexual women and bisexual men Current Research on Bisexuality also contains a comprehensive reader’s guide to the current social science literature about bisexuality. This bibliography brings together a wide range of nonfiction books, journal articles, book chapters, theses, and dissertations on bisexuality with a focus in the theoretical, research clinical, and community perspectives that have that have developed in the last twenty years. This reading list is essential for students, educators, researchers, and practitioners in psychology, counseling, social work, psychiatry, education, sociology, and anthropology. Current Research on Bisexuality provides new knowledge of the life experiences of bisexual people. With this book, you’ll find a basis for further research and education about bisexuality in the greater context of ongoing research, education, and advocacy regarding lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender issues.

Unseen Unheard

Author: Amity Pierce Buxton
Publisher: CCB Publishing
ISBN: 9781771430692
Release Date: 2013-06
Genre: FAMILY & RELATIONSHIPS

When presumably heterosexual spouses turn out to be gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender, the unexpected revelation overshadows its devastating impact on their straight wives and husbands. Unseen-Unheard opens the window on their remarkable journeys from trauma to transformation. What would you do if your husband said he'd fallen in love with a man or thinks he might be gay or bisexual, or you discovered your wife's texts, photos, or emails indicating she has a female lover and wonders if she might be lesbian or bisexual? Well, this happens, a shattering reality that at least two million men and women have faced and tried to understand and accept, even as we were unseen and our voices unheard. Who are we? We are husbands and wives left behind when our spouses came out or after we discovered they were gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender. Shocked and paralyzed, swirling in the devastating wake of our beloveds' revelation, we had to pick up unrecognizable pieces of our former lives and try to reconfigure them without much outside support, recognition, or understanding of the depth of the crisis. Yes, straight spouses typically cope alone with unique issues of sexuality, betrayal, and broken belief systems. Slowly, we redefine ourselves, create new lives, affirm the joy of living, and reap life's infinite possibilities. We invite you to walk with us and experience our journey from the first desperate cries of discovery or disclosure to insights and wisdom gained as we resolve our issues and transform our lives. As you observe and listen, we hope you will embrace the courage, creativity, and resilience of our strength, which we didn't know we had, yet was so powerful that lifelong habits were broken and we uniquely and marvelously became who we were meant to be. About the Authors: Amity Pierce Buxton, her Ph.D. from Columbia University, has taught grades pre-school through graduate school. Member of the American Psychological Association, she serves on the editorial boards of the Journal of Bisexuality and the Journal of GLBT Family Studies and on the board of the Catholic Association for Gay and Lesbian Ministry. She wrote The Other Side of the Closet: the Coming-Out Crisis for Straight Spouses and Families and founded the worldwide Straight Spouse Network. Currently, she counsels spouses and couples, conducts research, writes articles and chapters, lectures, and gives workshops on all aspects of the impact of a spouse's coming out in a mixed-orientation or transgender/non-transgender marriage. R. L. Pinely writes, -Collaborating with Amity to write this book has been an amazing journey. Absorbing her expertise has been a rare privilege as we lived vicariously through the lives of others and walked in their shoes. As owner of an online support group, I'm so thankful that I have the opportunity every day to pass along her wisdom, insight, experience, and understanding to nearly 3,000 women.- Visit the Straight Spouse Network website: www.straightspouse.org

Finally Out

Author: Loren A. Olson
Publisher: Ingroup Press
ISBN: 1935725033
Release Date: 2011-01-12
Genre: Biography & Autobiography

Includes bibliographical references (p. 239-247).

Women and Therapy in the Last Third of Life

Author: Valory Mitchell
Publisher: Routledge
ISBN: 9781317987307
Release Date: 2013-09-13
Genre: Family & Relationships

What is distinct about the last third of life, about women, that makes psychotherapy different? In this diverse collection, the psychological meanings and challenges of the last third of life are explored, as the capacity of the psyche expands, sense of time changes, and some questions take on new vibrance and urgency. Some chapters shine their light on women therapy clients - on their precarious sociocultural predicament in a sexist/ageist time and place, on intrapsychic changes that follow from changing bodies, relationships, involvements and emergent needs of the self. Other chapters enter the largely unexplored territory of changes in the therapy process itself - where some decide against therapy altogether, while others describe a rich revision of familiar elements of therapy, greater authentic presence, a changed standpoint on the power of the therapeutic relationship. Standing inside the ‘‘last third’’ and looking back on their own lives, several women psychotherapists offer a rare window into their private experience across time and their perspectives on the challenges and the gifts that they, and other women, may realize in the last third of their lives as they consider who they have become, who they are, and who they can be. This book was based on a special issue of Women and Therapy.

Gay Husbands Say the Darndest Things

Author: Bonnie Kaye
Publisher: CCB Publishing
ISBN: 9781771430937
Release Date: 2013-08
Genre: Family & Relationships

Gay Husbands Say the Darndest Things is a compilation of writings by Bonnie Kaye, M.Ed., the international counseling specialist for straight/gay marriages and 50 women from her support network in the United States, Canada, the United Kingdom and Australia. The biggest problem facing women who unknowingly marry gay/bisexual men is the lack of a confession by their husbands. To keep their homosexuality a secret, gay men who marry straight women will blame the problems of the marriage on their wives even though it is caused by their own frustration of being stuck in a marriage to a woman. They would rather point the finger of blame at their wives instead of telling the truth about their homosexuality. Kaye's goal for this book is to alert women who are at the beginning of their discovery or recovery journey to read what others were told by their husbands before the truth was learned. The women who contributed the material went through the same doubts when they were "gay lighted" by their husbands for years with stories that were genuinely convincing. Kaye also explains why gay men who are hiding in straight-gay marriages remain there and sometimes even remarry another woman after the divorce. Kaye tells women to get their pens ready so they can make checkmarks next to the statements shared by the other women in the book revealing the comments their husbands have said to them. After counting how many similar statements they check off in the book, they will know the truth. About the Author: Bonnie Kaye is an internationally recognized relationship counselor/author in the field of straight/gay marriages. She has provided relationship counseling and support for nearly 30 years to more than 85,000 women who have sexually dysfunctional husbands due to homosexuality, bisexuality, or other sexual addictions and fetishes. She is considered an authority in this field by other professionals and the media. Kaye has published eight books on straight/gay relationships, which have sold thousands of copies. Her website www.Gayhusbands.com has consistently remained in the number one position on Google, Yahoo, and other major search engines since its launching in the year 2000. When media contacts want an expert, they go to Bonnie Kaye who has more experience and expertise than any other person in the United States. Her official book website is located at www.BonnieKayeBooks.com. Kaye's support network has over 7,000 women around the world who receive her free monthly newsletter. She also has online computer support chat as well as a weekly internet radio show on Sundays, Straight Wives Talk Show on www.Blogtalkradio.com that can be accessed 24/7 around the world via the computer. Kaye's other books include: The Gay Husband Checklist for Women Who Wonder; Straight Wives: Shattered Lives (Volumes 1 and 2); ManReaders: A Woman's Guide to Dysfunctional Men; Bonnie Kaye's Straight Talk; How I Made My Husband Gay: Myths About Straight Wives; Doomed Grooms: Gay and Bisexual Husbands in Straight Marriages; and Over the Cliff: Gay Husbands in Straight Marriages.

Doomed Grooms

Author: Bonnie Kaye
Publisher: CCB Publishing
ISBN: 9781771430227
Release Date: 2012-10-19
Genre: Bisexuality in marriage

Doomed Grooms: Gay and Bisexual Husbands in Straight Marriages is a self-help book for both women who discover or suspect that their husbands are gay/bisexual and for those men who are ready to come out to their wives. Written by counselor Bonnie Kaye, M.Ed., the international expert in the field of straight/gay marriages, this book is a follow-up to her first book, The Gay Husband Checklist for Women Who Wonder. Topics covered include the loss of women's self and sexual esteem, the effect of the Internet in luring men into the world of homosexuality, the controversy of changing a gay/bisexual husband's sexuality, the mourning stages after a marriage is over, and a list of steps to show women how they can start their journeys to Gay Husband Recovery. Doomed Grooms also contains interviews with past members of Kaye's online support group from different parts of the world, as well as interviews with two gay ex-husbands who explain the dynamics of these marriages. She also shares heartfelt letters from both straight wives and gay husbands to show the emotional impact on both ends. It is estimated that over 4 million women in the United States alone are or have been married to men who are gay/bisexual. Doomed Grooms allows women to come to a sense of closure by helping them understand the different aspects of homosexuality their husbands display. It also helps give validation to the millions who will never get the truth from their husbands in order to help them move on and heal. About the Author Bonnie Kaye is an internationally recognized relationship counselor/author in the field of straight/gay marriages. She has provided relationship counseling and advice for nearly 30 years to more than 75,000 women who have sexually dysfunctional husbands due to homosexuality, bisexuality, or sexual addictions. She is considered an authority in this field by other professionals and the media. Kaye has published seven books on straight/gay relationships, which have sold thousands of copies. Her website www.Gayhusbands.com has consistently remained in the number one position on Google, Yahoo, and other major search engines since its launching in the year 2000. When media contacts want an expert, they go to Bonnie Kaye who has more experience and expertise than any other person in the United States. Her official book website is located at www.BonnieKayeBooks.com. Kaye's support network has over 7,000 women around the world who receive her free monthly newsletter. She also has online computer support chat as well as a weekly internet radio show on Sundays, Straight Wives Talk Show on www.Blogtalkradio.com that can be accessed 24/7 around the world via the computer. Kaye's other books include: The Gay Husband Checklist for Women Who Wonder; Straight Wives: Shattered Lives (Volumes 1 and 2); Manreaders: A Woman's Guide to Dysfunctional Men; Bonnie Kaye's Straight Talk; How I Made My Husband Gay: Myths About Straight Wives; and Over the Cliff: Gay Husbands in Straight Marriages.

Bonnie Kaye s Straight Talk

Author: Bonnie Kaye
Publisher: CCB Publishing
ISBN: 9781926585055
Release Date: 2008
Genre: Family & Relationships

Bonnie Kaye's Straight Talk is a collection of the best of her monthly newsletters from 2001 - 2008. These are the newsletters that her support network members call their "lifeline" when unraveling the complexities of their marriages to their gay husbands. In Kaye's own words, "This is the best survival guide for women who suspect or find out that their husbands are homosexual. These newsletters were written from my heart about my own life experiences as well as those of some of my support network members. I clearly explain how and why your husbands are gay, as well as provide good advice on how to handle those difficult situations such as rebuilding your sexual and self-esteem. After reading this book, you will understand how to make the only rational choice to survive emotionally after this happens to you. It will help you identify with the millions of other women in this situation who can identify and feel every raw emotion you are going through now, and understand the challenges you face in the years ahead of healing and starting over." Kaye, who has counseled over 35,000 women since 1984, is considered the national expert on Straight/Gay marriages by the media. She is a consultant and guest for the major talk shows and news shows throughout the country. Kaye has written four other books to address this topic, but she believes that this collection of her newsletters is, "The best of my best " About the Author: Bonnie Kaye is recognized as an international expert in the field. She acts as a consultant for major news networks and television shows including Oprah, Montel Williams and Tyra Banks. Her websites can be viewed at: www.Gayhusbands.com and www.Straightwives.com Kaye's other books include: The Gay Husband Checklist for Women Who Wonder; Doomed Grooms: Gay Husbands of Straight Wives; ManReaders: A Woman's Guide to Dysfunctional Men; Straight Wives: Shattered Lives; and How I Made My Husband Gay: Myths About Straight Wives.